A passage of time , the force of Situation 

There are times when you have to realize that sometimes not to  care is better . It is not important and it never matters . The strength a relationship holds ,does not depend on virtual show of concerns . There are things one has to understand and just cherish it as IT Is ! Equations differ between two people . One might be less the other might give overwhelming response , what distinguishes at the end is how much is the respect for each.  There is always a limit , need to be understood and carried on , once crossed or disregarded results in ruining of bonds, making the strings loose . Friendship is one such beautiful experience of ones's life . You can be everything in it , a lover , a sibling, a follower , and what not . Giving everything to one relation , IS A FOOLISH THING ! Each has a capacity to carry and each needs space . All this while cribbing about losing friends , escaping to realize the mistakes I had made left to me to the brink of ending up some amazing bonds I could have made . One such mistake has always been "over attachment " , expectations that clashed with emotional hype left me defeated at all fronts . Caring leading to pestering and then a complete oblivious state had no great achievements as such . Everyday is a new learning , It comes to you if you want to or not . A friendship I have , that is indeed is a learning lesson , something I will never regret . I know it depends on me how I take it on myself , as a boon not destroying my individuality , things cherished by me and others too . Or taking a sever turn , removing any aspect that leads to my intrinsic happiness being affected at any cost . But one thing which I have realized is , I am BAD when it comes to be firm , "emotionally" . I do take decisions abruptly but is not at all different when my mind is cool . They still fail at all grounds . Expectations are the most pathetic scenes the human mind interprets in the course of time . They leave you no where , just drown in failures , that are not  stepping stones to anywhere ! I am glad I have met some amazing people in my life and I love them , LOVE  them A LOT ! I am happy if some understand and hope others too .

Simplifying is to limit the unnecessary and let the necessary speak   

THE GRAVE OF LIVELY DREAMS 

Once someone said "never lose hope, anything can happen". I regard him and so do believe . But then what you wish is rather forceful than just a want ? What if its fulfillment is more of the external factor working upon it than your intrinsic desires ?
How and why should I have hopes then ? They are words that sound inspirational and pleasing to ones's ear but are hollow when it comes to practicality. They seem sleek and glossy with romanticizing effects on one's mind , giving faith in something next to impossible . I slept to have dreams that might enchant me and help me face each morning with revitalized energy and vigour . But now I sleep to force those dreams to come ! YES ! FORCE . Dreams don't come I force my senses to see them . Again and again , the same ones . I don't care if they are weird , I don't care if they are unethical , I see what I want to see, things that will never happen in reality , things I will never cherish in real. The people I bring in my dreams are not fictitious , nor are they creation of my own . They are real people , manipulated in my virtual dreams. I have just thought to window it sometimes, but I fear I will be judged and so they stay there stacked and pilled to be only mesmerized by their owner and adorned .  They give me happiness , to live in space of my own , to command not only myself but others too.

THEY ARE REAL TO ME IN MY UNREAL WORLD OF DREAMS

THE CONTRACT 

The world has things on credit and there is nothing known as "forever" . There is always an expiry date to everything . Nothing can be tagged eternal ,nothing at all . I have been wrong all this while about people and at times about my self . Looking for the light in the room that only adorned darkness my sights were indeed blurred. I had always thought that things have different perceptions and that one should always see the brighter side , I do carry it today also. But it was time for me to realize that not everything has different angles for analysis , some are just subtle and plain , "they are either good or bad ", nothing called as better ! . I have always wondered that things I received was meant only for me , selfish desires always prevail. But soon this misconception too was overthrown . Things and people that came across were "too good to share" or say they were never mine . And everything now seem so momentary . If it was there to be forever ,insecurities would not have space. To wear a smile even when you know how hard it is , is an art . Some say I can master it " a bit better than others'' . I wish I could say " I am not glad" . The question is ,for how long ?  I am proud for what I have been all this while . They say, people change , I change , You change , We all change . But what stands stubborn are circumstances and instances. They seem repeating all the time with me , the same results , #defeat . I just ponder hard that if anything I have been bestowed   do they have a limited time and existence in my life? THEY JUST DON'T STAY !  Some leave me petrified , some just leave me awestruck (not because they are that pleasing , but rather a shock) , other shatter off the confidence to leave me timid and helpless. These abstracts like LOVE, KINDNESS, LOYALTY just seem so bleak now to me , I don't say I do not believe they do exist , but just lacks expression .

Right from the streams to the channels and tributaries of ones life , I had them all just on a contract .

Some documented , 17 years , some 13 , and some could not survive more than 2 years .

I am 17 years 6 months and 5 days old .